the good news.

In case you haven't noticed, I have been pretty terrible about writing in my blog. I wish I could commit to something like this for real, instead of posting here and there, but it kind of reflects my spiritual life as of late: dry, lazy, apathetic, and the list goes on.

For the past few weeks, the devil has been doing a pretty good job at making me believe a whole slew of lies. "You are not nearly as spiritual and mature as these people you are going on summer project with...why are you doing this again? It's not going to make a difference, and you're just going to make a fool of yourself, that is, if you even get there. I mean, $5,600 is a lot of money and you are flat broke. Give up, settle, you aren't going, kid. And no one is going to help you out, either. Who gives a hoot about Jesus? And if no one cares about Jesus, then they don't care about you or your cause either. Plus, you have a whole lot of crap. You struggle a lot, and you should really try harder, because you are not worthy of this." And that's not even all of it. Up until a few days ago, I was believing every single one of these lies. I talked to a good friend on the phone and told her about all this doubt and fear I was experiencing about going to Italy, and how I just felt completely unworthy and not cut out for this. She reminded me of the following passage:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

How could I be so blind to this? This spiritual dryness is not just me being selfish and whiney, but this is a full on battle going on in the heavenly realms. This is exactly what satan wants. He wants me to feel discouraged, full of fear and doubt, and in turn...to disbelieve the Gospel: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

The Gospel tells me a completely different story...
"You don't have to be super spiritual. You aren't here to impress anyone. I love you, you already have My approval, but not because of anything you do or don't do. I love you because My Son, Jesus Christ, has taken the punishment for everything you have done and will ever do. The sin which separated you from Me is gone. Why do you dwell on it? You are holy and blameless in my sight. You are a beautiful creation of My very hands. Cast your anxiety on Me, because I care for you. Don't worry, my precious daughter. You have stolen My heart and nothing you can do could ever change that. Share this good news with My Italian children. You can do it by My strength, because I give abundantly. And by the way, here's $5,600."

God is so incredibly good. He never disappoints, is always faithful, and is crazy in love with every single one of His almost 7 billion kids. 'Gospel' means 'good news.' God knew we could never measure up to His standards on our own, because of sin, the thing that separates us from Him. He sent Jesus to die, to be a payment for our sin. But here's the amazing part...Jesus took God's wrath for every sin to ever be committed. Because of this, we can live in freedom. This is good news.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

We have complete and total freedom because there is no condemnation looming over our heads, waiting to attack. Because of Christ, I don't have to feel ashamed. Shame is a lie used by satan to get us to unbelieve the Gospel. It's complete garbage. We are guilty, but we're not, because Christ took it away when He died and rose again. Imagine this: you're on trial for committing a terrible crime, and you're sentenced to eternity in prison, most likely a living hell. Then, this guy stands up and says, "I will serve the sentence. This person can walk free because they are no longer guilty." What?? That's crazy, but this is the good news. It's so amazing once you grab onto it. We are free in Christ. I am free. You are free. Hear the good news, and believe it with your whole heart:

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

Christ is risen.

Enough with bunnies, eggs, candy. The Resurrection is so much more. Christ is risen...death is crushed beneath His feet. He took the wrath of God for every single sin that was committed, and will ever be committed for every broken person to walk this earth. God's own son, blameless, died to give us life. We are now one with the Father. We have a hope greater than anything this world can offer. Praise Him for His sacrifice that we can come to His throne, carrying our weaknesses, with gladness, for they are not ours to bear. Praise Him for enduring the mocking, beating, humiliation, and death with a willing heart full of love for the very ones who scorned Him. Praise God for raising Him from that tomb. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." We are friends of God because of Jesus. That is love. 100% selfless, sacrificial love.

"'Come, see the place where the Lord lay,' with joy and gladness. He does not lie there now. Weep, when you see the tomb of Christ, but rejoice because it is empty. Your sin slew him, but His divinity raised him up. Your guilt has murdered Him, but His righteousness has restored Him. Oh! He has burst the bonds of death, He has ungirt the cerements of the tomb, and has come out more than conqueror, crushing death beneath His feet. Rejoice, O Christian, for He is not there—He is risen." -Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Happy Easter, friends.

death to self=LIFE.

Sometimes I get in these weird moods where I am just disgusted with all of this. The world and its materialistic view of everything. Our false gods. Looking cool. Being so stinking comfortable and complacent. Politics (from both sides). Our cushy little college lives, sitting at the library on our laptops and iPhones, drinking $4 coffees that are paid for with our parents' money, whining about how we have so much to do. Facebook, Formspring, stupid websites that feed our vanity. Everything I live for that is not God. I get so sick of always living for myself. Sometimes it makes me want to ditch everything and go live on the streets or something. I would not be productive whatsoever in doing that, but you get my point.

It just kind of puts things in perspective for me. What the hell am I doing? I am not living everyday as an example of what the Almighty God can do in a persons life. I am not reaching out to the lost souls, but instead turning my nose up at them with my 'holier than thou' attitude. What is the point of my existence if I am not breathing every single breath for the Lord? I could achieve the 'American Dream' with a wonderful husband, a few kids, a good living. I could make a name for myself so that when I die, people will remember me. I could spend the next 60-70 years on this earth living the perfect life I always dreamed of, but what would it matter? Honestly, what good am I doing for God's kingdom by chasing after this dream? None. Nothing on this whole planet matters more than this...

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'^a]"> This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40

"If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus." Blue Like Jazz

This life is meaningless if I am not laying down my life every single day in service to Jesus who sacrificed everything for me.

i'm in repair. i'm not together, but i'm getting there.

God, take this junk out of my life. Take these feelings that remind me of my failures and shortcomings, and turn them into hopes. I pray that I can yearn for no one but You, and that no matter what broken well I run to, I will always come up dry. I pray that I will come back to You always, because Your well overflows with life-giving, thirst-quenching, soul-satisfying water. Heal my heart of the damage I have done to it. I know You can do it, God, and help me to remember that I cannot on my own. My heart will forever be destroyed without Your gracious hand putting it back together, strengthening it for future temptations. I am sorry for letting it go so easily and losing sight of where it truly belongs. I give everything to You, God. Be my portion, my complete satisfaction, my rock, shield, reward. Please give me wisdom, and complete and total peace.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Questa estate sarà diversa. Addio al mio rammarico.

psalm 27.

I am so excited I could burst. I go to Salerno in a little over two months, and 99.9% of me just wants to go to sleep tonight, skip the next two months, and wake up in Italy. I don't know what to expect, I don't know anyone who is going, I don't know how I am going to evangelize to Italian students who are all going to be way smarter than I am, but that's what I need. I need to get out of this little bubble, always hanging out with the same people, (there's nothing wrong with that, but when you have one group of friends and you are called to be reaching out to the lost, it's a problem.) always doing the same things, always stuck in a routine. I feel like my life right now is just really quite boring. The idea of going into completed uncharted territory (figuratively) is appealing and I cannot wait to see what God is going to do with this Summer. It is also going to test my trust in the Lord. Right now it is being tested financially. And when May 16 rolls around, it will test it even more, pushing the boundaries of my little bubble of safety and comfort. I will be forced to make all new friends and put myself out there and reach people for Christ. I have never done anything like this, and I know my life is going to change because of it. I pray that God will use me and that when I am afraid, and even when I am not, I will fall back on Him, knowing He will strengthen me and humble me. I am itching to get out of here, but right now I need to focus on trusting God with this money.

Lord, please help me get through the next two months. Help me not to be impatient, but excited and hopeful. God, prepare my heart for the people I am going to meet, and prepare theirs for me. Break it and give me a burden for the lost. Right now, help me trust in You for this money. I have never had that much money in my life at one time, so the thought of raising all of it in two months is terrifying. But Lord, You said NOTHING is impossible for You. Help me not to ever forget that.

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Psalm 27:8

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

randomity.

I've been wanting to write a blog for a while, but I always get started on something and end up not finishing it. There is a lot going on in my head right now...too much to just pick one thing to write about, so I thought I would just give an overview. It always helps to get things out of your head anyways, and maybe whoever is reading this will benefit. Who knows. Basically, this is a really random, rough blog post. Bear with me.

(Oh, and Sasha inspired the use of some photos I have saved that I really like...I think I'm going to start posting more in upcoming blogs...thanks girl :])

• Things change. People change. I change. No one is to blame but life and time. What would be the point if everything stayed the same comfortable way it always is? But darn it, I just miss things. Nostalgia is not always a good thing. It actually makes me pretty depressed at times. People who I used to be so close to, I don't even talk to anymore, or at least not about anything substantial. Music I used to like I don't listen to anymore. Things I used to enjoy I don't enjoy anymore. I know this is life. The only hope I have to hold onto is that my Father never changes. In every season of my life, He is present, whether He is carrying me, walking by my side, or chasing me. Yesterday, today, forever. Thank you for this truth, Lord.
• I want my faith to be refined as gold. The temperature heats up, the impurities rise to the top and are scooped out, and all that remains is a beautiful, shiny piece of gold. I want God to turn up the heat just enough to make me uncomfortable so that my impurities will rise to the surface. I want to get rid of this crap that holds me back. And I want God to make me like this beautiful, shiny piece of gold. I want my life to be the work of His hands. This has been my prayer the past few days. God has slowly begun to reveal these impurities to me, and I've been trying to just lean on Him completely. I'll let you know how it goes.
• I don't have to try so hard. I know to a lot of people, it probably looks like I don't try at all, but they don't know what I'm thinking. I think I'm pretty good at making it look like I don't try, when really my heart is a crazy, anxious, impatient, nervous, jealous, beating beast of a thing. If/when God reveals my husband to me, I know it will reassure how stupid and psycho I have been when it comes to guys. He will be following hard after the Lord and willing to pursue me relentlessly. It's his job, not mine. I don't have to fret about how I look. I don't have to be impatient and start a conversation because I have to make it happen and somehow make myself the object of his affection. I don't have to be sitting here wondering what he is thinking. All my fruitless efforts are going to make me feel like an idiot because it's going to happen how it was supposed to happen all along. Patience is the key word.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:9-11

identity crisis.

Lately, I have been pretty depressed. Situations that happened recently caused me to feel really guilty to the point of wanting to just get in bed, throw the covers over my head and bawl my eyes out. I know I did the right thing here, but I can't help but wonder because I did this, are people judging me? Do they think I am a big pile of crap? Because I really feel like one.

In the midst of this, God really spoke to me. He said, "Skylar, your identity is in Me, not these things you are going through." God doesn't literally speak to me in an audible voice, but that's what I was feeling from Him. It really got me thinking today about all the things I find my identity in except Christ. This whole idea of identity has been swirling around my brain all day.

When my eyes are not focused directly above, they wander, looking for other things to relate and identify with. They find something and are satisfied for a brief moment, but once they are bored with that, they move on to other things. Hopping from one identity to the next is completely exhausting. The feeling is like being without a home. If you don't believe me, just look around at all the unhappy people in the world. The worldly things they think define themselves are the very things that are making them miserable. If you still don't believe me, you're probably in denial.

I am one of those people. I get distracted and forget who I am in Christ. I don't realize that my identity is not and never will be found in these things...
my past mistakes, what other people think about me, my appearance, being a 'good Christian girl,' my friends, my relationship status, my grades, the amount of money I have in my bank account, my career choice, the school I go to, any boy I like, whether or not I get married someday, who likes me, who doesn't like me, my family, my talents, my quirks, my habits, my job, my morals and values, being a leader in CRU, how big or small my community group is, the deepest, darkest parts of my soul, and most of all, my sins, past, present, and future.

When I try to find comfort in these things, and I do, my entire being can't function. Sure, I'll keep breathing and my heart will continue beating, but I won't be truly living alive, just going through the motions. It is only when I know my identity is in Christ that I am made whole, and I can be truly joyful, not just fake happy.

Lord, thank You that I do not have to search for myself in these things. Thank You that I am completely covered by Your blood, and since I have accepted You, You are my definition, not the aforementioned things. You are wonderful and You deserve nothing less than my entire life, Jesus. Remind me everyday who I am in You...
a child of God, a friend of God, adopted, an heir of a mighty kingdom, light of the world, a co-heir with Christ, redeemed, forgiven, justified, free from condemnation, a new creation, a member of Your body, a saint, holy and blameless, a citizen of Heaven, rescued, a stranger to this world, a conquerer.

"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"

your life is not a waste of time.

I think what most people don't realize about God is that He has not put us here in order to play with us and laugh maniacally as if we were helpless little ants. We are not mistakes, random chances of molecules and carbons and all that mumbo jumbo somehow combining to create a human with emotions and a beating heart. We are prized possessions of the Lord.

He made the land, sea, day, night, all the creatures that walk the face of the Earth, and when He was finished with these, He had to create a masterpiece. He had to make something that had His own image inscribed into it from birth. He had to create humans, the crowning jewels of an already brilliant diadem. He formed us from the dust, and breathed a holy breath of life into us. On the days prior all He had to do was speak and things would come into existence, but on the sixth day, the Lord breathed into man and he became. He relates to something for the first time, shedding light on how we are to respond. He sets us apart from all the wonderful things He has created and gives us domain over the whole earth.

This is why it is so disheartening to hear people say that their life is a complete and utter waste of time. Nothing is going right, and therefore if would probably be better for everyone if they ceased to exist. No. We were put here for a purpose. We were created by a God so we could have a personal relationship with Him. And He delights in us. All the things about us that we think are so weird in a worldly sense, He loves. He meticulously crafted every part of us and He finds great joy in His creations. Psalm 45:11 says "The King is enthralled by your beauty." The word 'enthralled' is defined as "filled with wonder and delight." Almighty God, the creator of the stars and galaxies far off, who with words formed the oceans and mountains, is filled with wonder and delight by my beauty? Absolutely.

So, are you listening now? You are not a waste. You are a captivating creation of our God. You are cared for immensely. He loves you more than anything in this world. He is dying for you to realize this and surrender your life to Him. In fact, He did die for this. He gave up His Lamb for all of mankind, just so we could know Him like we could not before. I pray that all of us can realize this. Look around at all the glorious things God has made: the colors that paint the sunset, majestic mountains that tower over everything else, snow that glistens in the sunlight. Your existence alone is far more beautiful than all of these, not to mention all of mankind.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

Psalm 139: 14-18

Don't forget who made you. You are worth more than you could ever imagine.

can't get no satisfaction?

Wowwww. A lot has happened since I blogged last. I'm not very good at this, but I guess I have to feel pretty inspired to write a blog.

One of my main struggles as a believer is getting validation and complete satisfaction from God alone. I know we all struggle with that. As humans we have an innate desire to stray away from the Lord. Worldy things and relationships are easier to choose because they are visible, right here in front of us, while God is harder to comprehend because we cannot physically give Him a hug or talk to Him face to face. We can't always hear His voice. After all, we were given the free will to decide what to do with our time here on Earth.

In Atlanta at Cru's Unveiled Conference, I guessed I just reached a breaking point. I realized how much I was looking for worldly validation...in friendships, material things, boys, basically everything except God. All the while, I had Him on the back burner. Praise God, though, He never gives up on His children. He brought me to a place of brokenness, and showed me everything I was running to instead of Him. It was during worship the first night. Tenth Avenue North played a concert and they were a.m.a.z.i.n.g. I have heard this one song by them a million times, but I never truly stopped to think about the lyrics:

Before the sun has touched the sky
Colors bursting from Your eyes
Before the flood of the morning light
Before the earth has felt Your heat
Before I stand up to my feet
Before I begin to feel this weak

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

When the day is closing in
Like the stars in the night I am falling
Into the pull of the earth and it's affection
In me, oh lord, can you create
A pure heart cuz I'm afraid
That I just might run back to the things I hate

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Yeah, I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're love is all I need to live

It describes exactly how I was feeling. I was sick of turning to other things for satisfaction, when the only One who could give me total satisfaction, the peace that transcends all understanding, was waiting for me while I was in the valley. He was standing on top of the hill, arms wide open, ready to clothe me in a robe fit for a queen, with a feast prepared for a kingdom. That is the most amazing thing about God. He is always waiting for His prodigal sons and daughters to come home. This song really made me just cry out to God and ask for His complete satisfaction. The singer was talking about how this was inspired by Psalm 90:

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." v. 14

This was my prayer. I went to sleep that night after asking the Lord to fill me up. When I woke up the next morning, I felt lighter. I know that sounds so dumb, but I was feeling especially cheerful and in high spirits. This made way for some other amazing things to happen between me and God on that trip. He affirmed my desire to go on a summer project. I am still praying about where, but I think it might be Salerno, Italy. He also urged me to share the Gospel with two people who I probably would not have shared it with just because I was afraid, and He gave me the strength to do so.

My point is when we turn to Christ for satisfaction and STOP looking around in the world for fullness, He is faithful to bring it to us. When we place our eyes on Him fully, we are able to see more clearly the things He has for us. I challenge you to really look at where you are finding comfort and satisfaction. If it is anything other than God, you will be let down eventually. Of course I will always struggle with this, too, but as long as we acknowledge our desire to stray, we will be reminded of what to do when it springs up: ask God to satisfy us with His unfailing love!