identity crisis.

Lately, I have been pretty depressed. Situations that happened recently caused me to feel really guilty to the point of wanting to just get in bed, throw the covers over my head and bawl my eyes out. I know I did the right thing here, but I can't help but wonder because I did this, are people judging me? Do they think I am a big pile of crap? Because I really feel like one.

In the midst of this, God really spoke to me. He said, "Skylar, your identity is in Me, not these things you are going through." God doesn't literally speak to me in an audible voice, but that's what I was feeling from Him. It really got me thinking today about all the things I find my identity in except Christ. This whole idea of identity has been swirling around my brain all day.

When my eyes are not focused directly above, they wander, looking for other things to relate and identify with. They find something and are satisfied for a brief moment, but once they are bored with that, they move on to other things. Hopping from one identity to the next is completely exhausting. The feeling is like being without a home. If you don't believe me, just look around at all the unhappy people in the world. The worldly things they think define themselves are the very things that are making them miserable. If you still don't believe me, you're probably in denial.

I am one of those people. I get distracted and forget who I am in Christ. I don't realize that my identity is not and never will be found in these things...
my past mistakes, what other people think about me, my appearance, being a 'good Christian girl,' my friends, my relationship status, my grades, the amount of money I have in my bank account, my career choice, the school I go to, any boy I like, whether or not I get married someday, who likes me, who doesn't like me, my family, my talents, my quirks, my habits, my job, my morals and values, being a leader in CRU, how big or small my community group is, the deepest, darkest parts of my soul, and most of all, my sins, past, present, and future.

When I try to find comfort in these things, and I do, my entire being can't function. Sure, I'll keep breathing and my heart will continue beating, but I won't be truly living alive, just going through the motions. It is only when I know my identity is in Christ that I am made whole, and I can be truly joyful, not just fake happy.

Lord, thank You that I do not have to search for myself in these things. Thank You that I am completely covered by Your blood, and since I have accepted You, You are my definition, not the aforementioned things. You are wonderful and You deserve nothing less than my entire life, Jesus. Remind me everyday who I am in You...
a child of God, a friend of God, adopted, an heir of a mighty kingdom, light of the world, a co-heir with Christ, redeemed, forgiven, justified, free from condemnation, a new creation, a member of Your body, a saint, holy and blameless, a citizen of Heaven, rescued, a stranger to this world, a conquerer.

"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"